In this Together.

Interview! You guys have heard my stories and now it's time to hear from somebody else.

There is an idea that BPD is more common in women than in men. There are a couple of reasons why it might seem that way. One is that women are more likely to seek professional help, so more cases are documented. Another is that men are labeled as violent or angry instead of the possibility of having BPD. There are a couple of differences in the symptoms between men and women. Like women might have more OBSESSIVE thought patterns and men getting into more fist fights. But the disorder is pretty similar in both. I believe it's important to share and hear stories from others with BPD. It brings us together so we don't feel as alone and also helps bring awareness to the disorder. I got the chance to do an interview with a male who has BPD and he gives a great insight on it.

Interview Questions

1. Do you think BPD or mental health has a bad stigma?

Mental health definitely has a negative stigma. Some people look at it as some

sort of joke or cop out, like the sufferer isn’t trying hard enough or is too sensitive or isn’t

willing to be held accountable for anything. Like intense feelings aren’t real or that the inflicted need to grow up or something. That way of thinking leaves those suffering misunderstood and invalidated, which doesn’t help at all with a recovery or their want to seek help. It’s a terrible mindset to everyone involved.

The first step to solving a problem is to realize that there is one.

2. Have you ever been embarrassed to talk about it?

Not with people that I trust but those people are few and far between. When I

feel I have to talk about it to someone (like my parents to explain some behaviors), I just feel

angry. Angry at myself because of the way that I acted and angry at them for not

understanding, or even taking the time to try and understand.

What I feel when I have the need to open up to someone about it varies. I don’t

feel like I’ve been embarrassed to talk about it. I feel more inconvenienced? Shit, no. I do feel embarrassed. Like “Oh, here’s what’s wrong and why I acted the way I did. Don’t hate me!”. So sometimes, yes. I do feel embarrassed. And scared. Like if I’m invested or want to be invested in someone, I’m worried about what their reaction will be.

I’ve never thought about how I feel to talk about it. Right now I’m talking about it

and I feel determined to answer these questions to the best of my abilities and I feel

empowered, in a way. Like I’m on a mission. So, yes; I feel embarrassed, sometimes, but each case varies.

3. Do you ever feel alone?

All the time. I know that people are out there that are suffering; there’s suffering

everywhere. I think sometimes I should feel some kind of camaraderie or come to terms that

life is hard at times and it’s just more difficult when you’re handicapped with some mental

illness, and I do but then again I don’t. Everyone goes through life alone. It’s a personal journey, I believe. We meet and interact and form relationships with people (and in the case of BPD, they hit extremes in the most volatile way), but ultimately we have to live within a certain headspace, with a certain point a view. Having a mental illness can make that difficult.

4. How would you explain BPD to someone?

I’d explain it to them in the way that I experience it. Anything else they can

google. Information is easy to be had in this day and age. You can find whatever you want with a simple Google search and it can explain it better, clinically, than I ever could. You have your criteria; the DSM “five or more of the following” blah blah blah. You might not hit all of them because it can be different for everyone afflicted. What’s true and the worst parts for me won’t necessarily be the worst for you, or the next person or the next person.

Same goes for people who have BPD and some other shitty illness. BPD and

bi-polar, schizophrenia, eating disorders, substance abuse, etc etc. These interwoven maladies can make BPD difficult to explain when taken into account. So, I believe, explaining BPD isn’t so simple, but it can be when explained from a personal experience and how you believe symptoms affect your behavior and ways of thinking. In my case, I tick all the boxes but some people might only hit the prerequisite five to be diagnosed. And the fact that some of these symptoms are shared across other mental illnesses makes diagnosis difficult. Which can make explaining it difficult. Oh, you have some emotional instability? Mood swings? Isn’t that bi-polar? Intense anger? Wait, those are anger management problems, or maybe bi-polar, too. Paranoia and suicidal behavior? That can be schizophrenia, too, right? Schizotypal behavior, maybe? Or so the conversation goes. Then comes the clincher. Is there a cure? What are you doing to stop it? This is what upsets me the most: the perception that there’s a simple “get help so it stops so you can be normal” ethos that plagues the oblivious normies that believe what they’re doing what normal people do and that anyone with mental illness is defective and not trying hard enough or getting the “help they need”. And yes, I am completely biased, FYI. Right now I am coming from a place of resentment when I think of those I’ve tried to explain what I’m going through and have been met with blank stares and indifference. Intolerance and disgust.Those fair-weather individuals who only want something to do with you when you’re “good” and turn their backs on you when you’re at your worst. Which leads quite nicely into the next

question.

5. How has it affected your life?

It has affected my life in almost every way possible. Living in a world where

relationships play a large role in defining you as a person, people who suffer the ill effects of

BPD have a pretty rough go at it. I feel that it’s been behind the wheel my entire life. I’m 34

years old and it’s been a pretty exhausting time. My life can be marked with terrible episodes of going nuclear and atomizing bridges and foundations, to trying to put together the quarks amidst a fallout of guilt and resentment and tiny shreds of hope that, through the toxic fallout, I could see some sort of light and use it to change into something better, but I seem to always turn into the most disgusting kind of mutant and reassemble the bomb and start it all over again. Rinse and repeat.

6. Do you think people with BPD can have stable relationships?

That’s the hallmark of BPD, isn’t it? Splitting is probably one of the worst parts. I

think it’s pretty fucked. The synergy between an unstable self-image and unstable interpersonal relationships. You’d think that would be a focus of research, right? The relationship between self and other; the interplay and effect they both have on each other, and how BPD is supposed to explain how this can be. Like, the “what is self, what is other” thing. Pretty crazy to think about. But I digress. It’s always going to be a rollercoaster. Some times will be more drastic than others. I have found, though, that there are people out there that you can confide in, people that will be there for you. I’ve found a few and they are fucking awesome. Their understanding gives me hope and their love gives me strength. I don’t know where I would be without them.

7. What is the best thing someone can do to help when you are experiencing intense

emotions?

Each case is different. The relationship itself comes into play. What I need from

someone at that time differs and it is absolutely exacting and, if not met, triggers a split.

I find that with each episode I can explain exactly what’s needed and their response

(whether it’s delivered or not) decides the outcome at that point in time. Other times

what I need is so painfully obvious that their ability to see it or not decides the outcome.

Does that make sense? The volatility of each individual situation and all the contributing

factors make it extremely difficult to assign one simple remedy to the broad collection

of past or possible scenarios. But if I could narrow it down to one thing that always helps is understanding. The ultimate understanding that I’ll come out of it; that I’m trying.

8. What is the worst thing they can do?

See above, but the worst thing a person can do, at least to me, is berate me. It

puts me through a split that could damage a relationship that could last a pretty long time. A

couple people in my life are infamous for this.

9. What would you want people to know about BPD or mental health?

Everything that I have tried to explain here. I might have missed some things but

I feel I’ve touched on most of what I want to get across.