May- BPD Awareness Month

Millions of people suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. About 70% make at least one suicide attempt. 8-10% complete the act. This rate is 50 times greater than that found in the general population. Because of these high numbers, May has been declared as Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month.

I have not made any suicide attempts, but the thoughts have infiltrated my mind many times. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a never-ending, painful cycle and want to escape. Sometimes the image of bleeding out in a bathtub somehow looks peaceful in my mind. Sometimes it’s the need for attention. But I am a Christian and it’s against my beliefs. God gives me strength. I have a loving family and two cats who are my life. These save me. And I believe that it will get better.

Although I haven’t made any attempts, I have engaged in self-harm. I have cut myself (not very often or consistently, but the scars are still there). I felt I deserved it because of the damage I caused. I tried to distract mental pain into physical pain. I also admit I’ve used self-harming threats for attention. I am not proud of my behavior; I’m ashamed. But I created this blog to bring awareness to the disorder and share all of me, even the darkest parts.

Suicide and self-harm are some of the shitty cards BPD deals, but not all of them. There are a wide range of symptoms and often times other mental health disorders overlap it. These include: depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse disorders. Because of the complexity of BPD, health scientists and researchers haven’t completely discovered a clear cause of it. However, they have discovered some components that might play a part- genetics, experiences of heavy trauma, and/or structural and functional changes in the areas of the brain that regulate emotions and control impulses.

BPD is a chronic disorder that can even be life long. There is no magic cure for it, but medication (usually a combination of them) and therapy can help. I am now doing both and feel they make a difference. I know this is going to be a long and hard journey, but I am willing to persevere. If you have any symptoms of a mental health disorder, I highly encourage you to seek help. Hell, even if you don’t have a mental disorder I believe everyone can benefit from therapy. Therapy and psychiatric help can be found under the resources page. If you need someone to talk to- with no judgement- you can find my contact information at the bottom of the home page or the contact page. And if you are struggling- I hope you find the strength to keep going, trust that it will get better, and know you are not alone.